Have you seen Norman Clegg? He's inside.
Him too?! No. He's coming out again.
He's just lending Compo a suit. You had me going there
but I'm glad about the suit. I was wondering what we'd bury him in.
The stuff he normally wore was very suitable for burying.
He was never one for dressy, but there are some occasions when you've got to do your best.
He always liked that suit.
The lengths people will go to borrow a suit! I brought him a clean shirt.
Ye Gods! He'll look smarter than he ever did.
The truth is I'd sooner have him back again and scruffy.
Call me sentimental but he owed me two quid!
Maybe he'll write. Oh! I've got a letter for you, Norman. Who from?
From him. From Compo.
Told you he'd write! It was on his kitchen table. One addressed to you and one to me.
It was his final instructions. He wants me to see to his house.
I expect there's something in there he wants you to do. He knew, you see?
He knew he was poorly.
Little beggar never let on.
He was always tricky. How does it feel, that envelope?
It feels strange, as if I'm getting communications from the other world.
Does it feel as if it's got two quid inside?
"Shop lifters will be...?
"See behind curtain."
Oh, it's you! Why today? You're not working for me today.
No. I'm on a private errand.
Oh, a customer! No.
No? That's a wicked thing to say to an old lady.
I'm collecting for Compo. I thought he was dead.
He is dead. Is he going to need a lot of collecting for?
It's for his funeral. It was suggested that you might like to contribute a bit of something.
Who starts these dreadful rumours?
You can spare a bit of something.
..These sad times are for grieving not spending
..I always think.
Oh. Well, yes. I suppose I could.
Suppose I give you this lovely...?
..Other thing? I'm collecting money!
Money... MONEY!
You come pestering an old lady for money? You're relentless, money mad!
Working for you has been an education. You've got no mercy!
Turn your back!
ZIPPING NOISE
A fiver?!
Yes, you're right!
This is a first. He's never written to me before.
He's never been so far away before.
Do you think he is far away? No, not really. The dead you care about are only next door.
I'll drink to that!
Well, get it opened. I'll get round to it.
You're making a meal of it!
It makes me nervous. What's to be nervous about?
He spelt Clegg with only one G.
Just be thankful you're not Greek!
Maybe he hadn't the strength for two Gs. Give over! He never could spell.
Not when he was alive, but somehow you expect the dead to spell better.
He's only just got there. Wait till they've had him for a while.
I can't get used to him being dead.
I know what you mean. Never seemed the type, did he?
I mean, if HE can die, nobody's safe.
..If his cronies have appetites as big as him, we'll need a lot of food.
And drinks. They'll not bury him on a cup of tea!
They die. They never think what problems they're leaving behind.
Like do you trust their friends with your glasses?
No way. But they won't mind as long as they're full.
Mrs Hemingway said she'd help.
We don't want her. You can never get rid of her afterwards.
The Vicar wants to know, what hymns?
Not modern ones - proper hymns. What did he like?
It's hers he liked more than hymns!
We'll have the old favourites. That's what they have every time.
IVY: What do they like in sandwiches? NORA: Twice as much as everyone!
My Barry likes a nice pate.
So does your father. So long as I tell him it's potted meat.
Who'll be playing? Mine if I don't watch him!
Playing what?
The hymns. Who's on the organ?
Mrs Birkenshaw.
Whoops! Goodbye, organ.
Oh, that's torn it! She'll not want to play, not for him!
Why ever not?
Drink your coffee.
Not after he cornered her that time.
Only because the others dared him.
She could have forgiven him after all this time!
I don't know why she made such a fuss. I doubt if he even left a mark!
What did he do to Mrs Birkenshaw?
Drink your coffee!
They say she was badly out of tune the following Sunday!
Do you want me to read it?
No. I want you to roll it up and poke it up a drainpipe(!) Read it!
"Hey-up, Cleggy! All these years thou's never had a letter from me.
"Anyway, here's one for you and Truly, who's probably breathing over your shoulder.
"Typical copper.
"If thou's reading this it means I'm dead.
"Despite what they said about me at school never getting anywhere.
"I've told Nora about clearing out my house
"but before she does I want you and Truly to pick a bit of something as a souvenir,
"anything except me ferrets.
"I want you to do me a favour, Cleggy.
"I want you to see me ferrets get a good home.
"I want you to take them to me old mate, Reggie Unsworth...
"..at Throstlenest farm - a ferret lover from way back.
"They'll be all right with Reggie."
Do you know this Reggie? Never heard of him.
Throstlenest farm? Well, we'll find it on the map.
"..Keep an eye on Nora. She doesn't know it yet, but she'll miss me.
"There was only ever the thickness of a bedroom wall between us,
"so tell her if I ever get the hang of this haunting lark
"and learn how to pass through walls, she'll be in trouble.
"Good luck to both of you. You were good mates.
"Must close now before they cut me electric off this one last time.
"If you're at me funeral, I don't want anybody going home sober.
"Good luck to both of you.
"..Compo."
Is that it, then? That's it.
No forwarding address.
Well, looks as if I can say goodbye to my two quid.
We'll see if Wesley's in.
BANG
He's in!
Lucky us! Just in time to put Wesley out.
I am out. It was just the cap!
I hate the smell of burning caps!
You get used to it. That's what they said about the wife but I never did.
How are you coping without...? Who's without(?)
He's got us running errands. To Throstlenest farm, wherever that is!
Throstlenest farm? Does it ring a bell or in your case does it blow a horn?
I've heard of Dellwells farm.
Have you noticed how people will never admit they haven't got a clue?
That makes three of us. Compo wants us to take his ferrets to Throstlenest farm.
Somebody by the name of Reggie Unsworth. I know a Shuttleworth!
There he goes again. Look at the expression - clueless!
Go and ask our Barry. He's got the ferrets
and working for a building society, he's familiar with local addresses.
I don't see your Barry as a ferret person. Are you sure he's not under the impression they're replicas?
I must say I've always seen Barry as more of a goldfish handler.
Throstlenest farm...?
..I know a Tholpen farm! Give it a rest, Wesley. You'll only start your cap off again!
Howard. Should you be plucking a girl from her cash desk during work?
I had to see you. It couldn't wait.
How impetuous you are. You make a girl feel almost threatened. Not that I'm complaining.
I've been thinking about life and death and getting a new bicycle.
You would do that for me, Howard? A new bicycle!
I want us to go further than we've ever been before.
Mother warned me, one day this would happen.
You realise how suddenly people can die. You have make the best of it!
I'm with you, kid!
How far do you think we should go?
Way over in that direction.
There are places out there we've never even seen.
Lonely places...
..Remote!
Do we wait for your new bicycle?
No. We can do it now.
Let's make the best of every moment. We'll do it now, today!
You realise I am only doing this under pressure?
But...pick me up after work, I'll bring sandwiches.
Oh, Father. Can you help Barry out of this ferret?
How do you mean?
He's got his finger in it. Bad move!
He knows that now. Is there blood?
Only his! The ferret seems fine.
ORGAN PLAYS: "Abide With Me"
That's Mrs Birkenshaw now. Bit heavy on the pedals.
She was nimble on her feet when HE was behind her.
Don't know what he saw in her. Not that it matters to me.
Somebody has to ask will she play at his funeral.
Can she refuse? She refused him last time.
She doesn't have to refuse. She could pretend to be busy and ask the second organist.
Who's that?
Mr Drysdale. ALL: Oh!
Oh, not Mr Drysdale? He can only play the white notes.
You're right. He's not having Mr Drysdale.
He deserves a better send-off than Mr Drysdale.
We want Mrs Birkenshaw. I can't stand her but she's the better organist.
You ask her, Nora. See if his memory still leaves an impression.
She should remind her that she's a Christian and should forgive.
She swore she'd never turn her back on him ever again.
Good grief! He'll be nailed down with the lid on. How safe can she get(?)
She may have forgotten all about him.
ORGAN PLAYS DISCORD
She hasn't forgotten. His memory still leaves an impression.
Ah...! I thought it liked me.
It liked your finger, didn't it?
You seemed very close when we arrived.
I love them really. It's just I like them better from the back.
Ah! Ah...ah! OH...! Oh!
Will the bite be fatal? Glenda?!
In about 50 years! What about side-effects?
It's a bit like the werewolf. You'll have to watch him at a full moon
in case he goes streaking down a rabbit hole.
I think you're very brave, Barry.
Do you mean before I fainted or after?
Are you sure they're allowing HIM in the church?
- I've spoken to the Vicar. - Why shouldn't he be in church?
He never struck me as a very church kind of person.
He had less harm in him than a lot.
Providing you were well out of reach.
Everybody knew with him you had to be out of reach.
If it's good enough for the Vicar it should be good enough for all.
You can play him a couple of hymns, Mrs Birkenshaw?
What ever he did, it can't have been THAT bad.
You weren't there. I've never been so startled in all me life.
Well, don't give up hope. Your life's not over yet.
Oh, come on, Mrs Birkenshaw.
He always said how good you were.
He did?
Oh, all the time!
He loved your touch on the pedals.
Well, I don't know what Mr Birkenshaw will say.
If you've any control over him, he'll say what he's told to say.
Is yours like that too?
Well, it's for their own good and they wouldn't have it any other way.
But don't you think it tends to...baby them?
It's a price we all have to pay.
All right.
What a fuss! If she'd been grabbed by him as many times as I have...!
Oh, there was no harm in it.
You never told HIM that!
You daren't tell HIM that!
How much further?
YOU wanted to see they went to a good home.
I didn't mean in the next county! It's chilly back 'ere.
You're with the ferrets. You love ferrets, apart from the front bit! It's cold.
It'll cool your sore finger, Barry.
Yes, Barry. Hold your finger in the wind.
HORN BLOWS
If he knew you were in his bedroom, he'd be back.
Harp, wings and wellies!
NORA: I couldn't stand him with feathers.
It's going to be quiet round here.
Every day will feel like a Thursday.
Why?
He was always out on Thursdays. You never saw him. It was quiet
but he made up for it at other times.
Where did he go?
Exercising his ferrets, he always said.
I wonder if I got mine a ferret...?
I thought he'd got one!
More like a gun dog, she can only pick up anything that's half dead.
- Will she be at the funeral? - You can't stop her.
This isn't getting his house clean. Where will we start?
I'll finish up 'ere. You start downstairs.
You'd better stay and look after the ferrets.
I want to go inside where it's warm.
You'd feel terrible if they got stolen. If they get restless, give them a finger to suck.
Will you send me something warm out?
By the first Saint Bernard. We're just going inside to ask directions.
All three of you?
Three heads are better than one. I hope you won't set our caps alight
cos I prefer mine smokeless.
Sissy! A bloke has to go for it.
That's three pints, then, Wesley.
I said I liked ferrets. I didn't mean that we were inseparable.
I thought it was - the mobile finger.
..Oh! I was just cooling it in the breeze.
Stop takin' a wee-wee, lad. Come down!
I'm afraid I can't come down. I'm ferret sitting.
A right comic. Let's see how comical you are down here.
You go up 'ere, two miles, along the track. Throstlenest farm?
Yep. Reggie Unsworth's place.
Is that our Barry? Not at that speed, surely?
He's found a playmate already.
I hope he's not neglecting his ferrets.
Not a trog, Mr Pegden, please?!
I told you we'd be going further than ever before.
Why do I feel entitled to a refund?
You've never interfered with a person's statutory rights, Howard
but could we walk with our bicycles?
Yes. You want to walk. I say, let's walk!
I say, let that be our new guide in life.
Walking, Howard?
Anything! Our time's so short. Anything we want to do, we will do.
Oh, Howard!
Oh, Marina.
How's this for remote?
How's this for just the two of us?
O-o-o-h, Howard!
Oh, heck!
Never mind, little creature, they've gone and we're alone.
"Little creature." I'm all alone with a smooth talker.
Throw down your bicycle!
..And forceful with it! O-o-h! Come on!
CYCLE BRAKES SQUEAL
What would you say that is? Well, it isn't the throstle.
You know what troubles me? How would you arrest a person like that?
There's so little to grasp onto.
Are you sure this is a good home? Ferrets should be safe enough.
I wonder if you could help us? We're looking for a Mr Reggie Unsworth.
Oh, well, you're out of luck then.
We were told this was Reggie's place.
It is. That's me!
I'm Regina Unsworth.
You could knock me down with a ferret.
You're Thursdays!
You've come from Compo, haven't you?
Yes...yes... He asked us to come.
And bring his ferrets... I knew he would.
Only last Thursday he said, "Reggie, I'd like you to look after me ferrets when I'm gone."
Well, I thought he meant sometime in the future, not this week.
LAST Thursday?
He comes every Thursday.
We go back a long way, me and Compo.
I'm going to miss our Thursdays.
It could have been permanent but I could never get him away from somebody who lived next door.
Are them the ferrets? Eh... Yeah!
Every Thursday!
He preferred Nora Batty?!
Didn't leave HER ferrets, did he?
Old beggar!
..Will she be good with ferrets?
She must have been good with Compo for him to bike here every Thursday!
She seems nice enough but where do you look when talking to someone like that?
WESLEY: I focused on her earring.
I hope she wears an apron when she's frying anything!
BARRY: I wonder where she keeps her handkerchief.
Little beggar! He said he was exercising his ferrets!